Uki's Yaoi Fairy Tale: Sleeping Baka
by Ukaisha
Summary: Innocent Taki has been cursed to protect him from fangirls! He shall forever sleep completely frozen untill someone truly hot can awaken him! Only Sexy True Love Prince Kouji may be hot enough to survive the fangirl menace and awake the Sleeping Baka!
1. Icy Wizards and Kawaii Takus

**Disclaimer:I have nothing to do with the ownership of Digimon. If I did, everything on this account wouldn't be fanfiction, it would be reality. And there would be steamy bedroom scenes involving the Digi-destined :D FREQUENTLY.**

**Warning: Shounen-ai, mild language.**

Author Notes: One of my more popular Fairy Tales, finally done! Oh, that's wonderful. Now I can go ahead and DIE.  
This is the first fairy tale to be written in chapter form! It would take a long one shot to write all of what I'm going to write, so there's four chapters. (Is it a one-shot if it has chapters? Nay? Oh well.)  
**  
**Uki's Yaoi Fairy Tales Present:  
Sleeping Baka

Once opon a time in a kingdom somewhere far away (Even farther away then your Aunt Myrtle's house!) there lived the King and Queen. They ruled the Kingdom, you see, and everyone in it, which was very useful if you didn't like doing laundry and needed your socks washed. Socks are of no importance of this story, however.  
One day, the Queen had a baby. It was a cute little son. And he was INSUFFERABLY so cute. Not just Kawaii, UBER Kawaii, and so cute with the widest little chibi eyes that no matter who you were, you saw him, and went: "AWWWWWWW! HE'S SO KAWAII!" And you would run squealing to him with little bubbles and hearts above your head.  
Naturally you'd think his name would be 'Kawaii'. But have you ever heard of someone named Kawaii? No? Good, because Kawaii would be a very silly name to have. Nope, the little love's name was Takuya.  
When Takuya was born, the entire kingdom was so proud and happy of the little prince, that when he was a year old, a party was thrown in his honour. Such nice people from all over the kingdom brought gifts and prayers of good fortune for Kawaii little Taku. The females also ran squealing to him with huggles and little bubbles/hearts floating above their heads. He lavished the attention, but cried wickedly if they touched him. He apparently did not like fangirls.  
But the most important of all of these nice little people was a small little fairy-nymph. He was creamy white and a broad grey mouth,and the weirdest, most disturbing pink skirt-type thing. ('Waistband!' He insisted.) Everyone called him Bokomon, but then some just called him 'Fairy Boko.' Then others still, refering to the pink 'waistband,' called him 'That crazy little thing who wears a skirt. But he casts spells and stuff, so I guess he's alright.'

Bokomon/Fairy Boko/That crazy little thingyeh walked up to Takuya as he lay in his bed, squealing with pleasure at all the bright, pretty colours and loud happy music. Fairy Boko smiled at the squirming little prince,and held up a green book.  
"I am going to-"  
"Eh?" The King said,raising a brow. "I thought fairies had wands, not books?"  
"Books are vastly more magical then any silly old WAND!" Bokomon said in a huff, protective of his not-so-little book. "Books are grand, books are the knowledge and lives of those past, books are-" And he continued like this for several minutes. Books are this, books are that, blah blah blah. Shortly, Kawaii little Taku was the only one awake. And he was only awake because he had discovered it to be funny to throw his cute little plushies at the funny little fairy while blowing cute little spit bubbles.  
"Now then," Fairy Boko concluded, staring up expectantly at the King and Queen. "Doesn't that prove that books are obviously much more useful then wands?  
No one was listening. A few people near him had remained asleep, but the rest of the guests had just continued dancing and didn't seem to care.  
"FINE!" Fairy Boko said,a red vein popping out of his fourhead. "I guess I just won't bless the adorable little, cute, huggable, squeezable..."  
Fairy Boko looked down into Takuya's little bed, and Kawaii little Taku stared back up at him with his wide, cute brown eyes, and his cute pinchable cheeks and his cute, CUTE cutecute smile...  
"ALRIGHT alright alright. I'll bless the little guy after all." Kawaii little Taku squealed and clapped his cute little hands.

With that, he raised his book, and pointed at Takuya with a finger, muttering some strange little spells.  
"Taku-chan shall have the power not only of cuteness,but of beauty and utter sexiness when he has grown." Glowing blue ribbons surrounded tiny Taku's body,and he squealed with delight. "But, He shall be innocent." The ribbons swirled faster. "Pure." Faster, gleaming. "And, most of all, to ensure his life shall be as perfect as it can, he shall also be-"  
"Dead."  
The entire kingdom gasped and muttered whispers filled the room. No one knew where the voice had come from; it had been everywhere and no where at once. The air in the room was suddenly frozen, and as if in a powersurge, every light died. The room was shrouded in utter blackness, and the temperature was desperately dropping. Kawaii little Taku started to shake and shiver with chill. His skin seemed to have been brushed with frost, and even as his mother tried hard to warm him, he still seemed cold, almost frozen.  
Out of the frozen blackness came a shrill little laugh, and everyone, even Kawaii little Taku, glanced up with a gasp. A figure was developing out of thin air, and with a 'whoosh!' of icy air, he appeared. He was dressed in perfectly icy blue robes with a snowy white hood covering his face. As he came through the darkness he seemed towering, intimidating-until he tripped over his robes. With a yelp the lights came back on, and the guests of the kingdom screamed as the figure rolled in mid-air, as if on the ground, until he came to a hault with an aggrivated curse.  
"Damned robes, Damned dark, Damned ice...Damned..." He looked up, his hood now off of his head,and revealing the face of a light brown haired boy, no older then thirteen. In the light, he was obviously shorter then thought. The room was quiet as it's population stared disbelieving at the young...icy...wizardy thing.  
The air started to rise in temperature, and Takuya made the cutest little 'Burring' noise, looking up expectantly to be huggled and glomped by anyone withen reach. Half of the females in the room squealed with delight, and ran to huggle Takuya in fluffy pink backround as hearts and bubbles floated over their heads.

"Oy...give me a minute...damned robes...damned magic..." The boy in ice blue robes cleared his throat, excussed his clumsy stumble, and floated back into the air, covering his face again. "Alright, you may now fear me again."  
The room burst into screams and chaos. The King and Fairy Boko stood in front of Kawaii little Taku's crib, as though protecting him from the evil adolesent.  
"Well then." The boy looked around in amusement. "I've come to see Kawaii lil' Taku, where's Kawaii little Taki?"  
"Who are you?" The King demanded of the boy in ice blue robes.  
"Oh me?" he replied boredly, flicking away a bit of pocket lint. "I'm the Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki.  
Everyone in the room blinked.  
"What?" he whined at the room,crossing his arms. "It wasn't a name that I came up with damnit all!"  
"Er...Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolesent Tomoki...how did you get here?"  
Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki attempted to look proud and fearful. "I came-"  
"Yeah, how DID you come here?" A man in the crowd yelled to him.  
"I came-"  
"How did you appear in thin air like that?" A woman demanded.  
"I ca-"  
"How can you trip over your robes in mid air!"  
"BEQUIETFOOLS!" FLASH, a giant icecicle crashed into the ground.  
Everyone was quiet.  
"I time traveled. DUH," Tomoki said obviously while rolling his eyes, and everyone in the room, including the King and Queen, nodded at such a simple answer.  
"Anyway,-"  
"Why are you here!" The Queen demanded of Tomoki.  
"WILL YOU PEOPLE STOP INTERUPTING ME?" Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki screamed, turning the air dark and icy again.

Crickets started to chirp in the silence.  
"That's better," The Super Evil Icey Wizardy Adolesent Tomoki approved.  
The King waited a moment, before daring to speak. "Why do you want Takuya to be dead?"  
Tomoki looked confused for a moment, before nervously laughing and rubbing the back of his neck. "Oh, uh, I don't want Takuya-nii-chan to be dead. That was just to make my enterance seem more dramatic."  
All of the kingdom present in the room fell to the ground, anime style. Even Kawaii little Taku sweatdropped.  
"Actually, I just came to place a CURSE on him!" Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki claimed dramaticly.  
The queen gasped and clutched her son's cute and tiny hand. "No! You can't put a curse on him! You ca-"  
"I already did." Tomoki said simply. "The curse was put on him when I entered the room. I just appeared for cake and punch."  
More sweatdrops.  
"Why would you want to put a curse on our cute little Taku?" The Queen cried, hugging the adorable little thing.

"Well, I time traveled, you know? Anyway, I know him when he gets older, and he's like an older brother to me! Because he's so darn cute, his innocence is bound to be ruined. Poor Takuya-nii-chan! Destined to be the object of evil sex people things and PWP. He's only going to live til he's like...sixteen you know. Because of the curse. But it's better then some person coming along and ruining his innocence and virginity in some freaky lemon. " Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki floated towards the buffet layed out, carefully selecting certain foods and putting them on a cloth napkin. The King and Queen waited for him to continue, although slightly disturbed, but Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki's main concern was whether he wanted the cookies or not, and if so, which type of cookie he wanted, in what kind of form he wanted it, and if he should have brought milk.  
After some silence,the King said, "What kind of curse did you put on Takuya?"  
Super Evil Icey Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki at first didn't seem to hear him, but Taku made a particuarly loud squealing noise, and threw one of his remaining plushies at Tomoki's head. Naturally, everyone in the room 'Awwed' at the baby Takuya, and several of the woman (With little bubbles and hearts floating over their heads) went to coo at Kawaii little Taku.  
Tomoki sighed and rubbed his chin. "I surpose you're pondering what kind of curse I put on Kawaii little Taku?"  
More sweatdrops.  
"Well, it's a powerful curse, an evil curse. A FROZEN curse. I like ice, " Tomoki added, admiring the ice swan in the middle of the table. "Anyway, on Takuya's sixteenth birthday, he will put on a Super Evil Icy Pair of Socks! The socks will, instead of warming his feet, freeze him from the feet up, until he is a giant ice thingie! Then, I will steal the Icy Taku, frozen in his innocence, and steal him away from you, keeping him in my Super Evil Icy Castle!"  
Gasps and cries of anguish followed this, except for one man in the crowd, who incredously said, "Socks?"  
"YES, socks," Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki said irritably, crossing his arms. "I would've left the socks alone and have just had Kawaii little Taku frozen right here and now. I'd have taken him away and you people would never see him again, nor spoil his cute adorable adorableness. But one of you simpletons had to say something against socks!"

Each person in the room looked to one another. None of them had said a bad word against socks since at least last Tuesday.  
"Oh, it wasn't one of YOU specifically," Tomoki (Considering the author is getting tired of saying the really long title.) added honestly. "No, it that evil hell-bound author!" He shook his fist angrily at a purple curtain, which had promptly and conveniently appeared to cover the author currently writing the story.  
"I AM NINJA. NO ONE MAY SEE MY IDENTITY." Sweatdrops. "Send me hatemail via snail mail!"  
"See what I mean?! Making me use snail mail...HONESTLY..." Tomoki returned to the baby. He smiled down at it.  
"It's that evil author that makes me want to take away Takuya-Nii-chan in his frozen form." Tomoki floated towards Taku's little crib and stared down at him. "Oh sure, at the moment he's just a baby, but do you have any idea how many lemons that those crazy people are putting him through? You have no idea! Takuya-nii-chan is a FAVORITE of PWPs for god's sake! I mean, that wouldn't be so bad if the people writing the lemons actually had a clue, but they don't! For some reason, twelve year old fangirls get it in their minds that they just need to stick him into poorly constructed sex scenes at random! Poor little Takuya can't loose his innocence over a bunch of Evil Writing Women! Also known as, 'EWW.' Not only this, but the stupid author won't even put my entire name! I MIGHT've let it pass about that last one made the comment about socks, but promise of steamy bedroom scenes in the disclaimer made me put my foot down-"  
"Your foot's not down, it's rather up." Fairy Boko said, pointing at the still floating Tomoki.  
"BEQUIETFOOL!" FLASH, a gleam of light and Bokomon's feet were frozen to the ground.  
"Anyway, to keep him from all the EWW, fifteen years from now and he's gonna be frozen and taken away from you, bye bye." And with a flash, Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki disappeared, along with the entire buffet's desert contents.  
"Well, it's been real," one man in the crowd said cheerfully, heading towards the door.  
Everyone else followed.

The King, Queen,and Bokomon looked down sadly at the Kawaii little Taku. "Oh, how ever shall we save our son," The King said sadly as the Queen stroked their son's pinchable cheek. He threw a plushie at her, obviously completely ignorant of the event that just happened.

So everyone waited. Waited...waited..

"Neemon!" Fairy Boko barked out. "That's your que!"  
"Ne?" Came a thick and lazy voice.  
"COME HERE NOW!"

And out of a red curtain, as if thrown from somewhere, came another little nymph. This was a yellow bunny that had nifty red pants.As he hit the ground and skidded to a stop, a snot bubble was inflating and deflating in a steady beat as he slept.  
"WAKE UP NEEMON!" Fairy Boko walked over to Neemon, pulled his nifty red pants about a foot away from him, and let go. Neemon cried out and jumped to life.  
"It's your que," Fairy Boko said in his bossy way.  
Neemon scratched his rear and sniffed. Then he stretched and looked around. "Is nappy time over?"  
"Oh please Fairy Nee!" The queen begged, putting her hand over her heart. "I'll just die if my poor baby is frozen. Or...molested...or whatever..."  
"Bokomon, why is there a lady talking to me?"  
Fairy Boko smacked his head with his book. "GO BLESS THE BABY BAKAMON!"

And so, as if by a magic invisible hand, Fairy Nee was picked up by the back of his pants and floated over Kawaii little Taku's crib. Taku-chan looked up innocently at the pants wearing fairy, and began sucking his thumb.  
"Aww!" said Fairy Nee. "Isn't he cute?"  
"Please, bless my son and protect him from harm," said the somewhat confused King.  
"... Why can't Bokomon do it?"  
"Because it's in the rules Bakamon!" Fairy Boko snapped. "Bless the child!"  
"Bless my son!" Said the king.  
"Bless my baby!" Said the queen.  
"Woougga urg?" Said the baby. AWWWWWWW!

And so, Fairy Nee scratched his head, and removed a pocky stick from his back pocket. "With this stick of strawberry pocky, I shall-"  
The King cleared his throat. "A book, then pocky. Doesn't anyone use wands anymore?"  
Fairy Nee looked at the king in confusion. Which...wasn't any different then his normal look. "Silly king, pocky is much better then a silly old wand. You can eat it."  
The King and Queen nodded at this logic.  
"The Super Evil Icy Wizardy Tomoki has cursed the cute little baby right here. So I can't undo the curse or something like that, so I give him a blessing that makes the curse better! From this day forth, he shall always have pocky."  
The King and Queen waited.  
"...Is that it?" The Queen asked.  
Fairy Boko floated up besides Fairy Nee and snapped his waistband again. "Concentrate Bakamon!"  
Fairy Nee scratched his head with the pocky stick, licked the top of it, and pointed it back at Kawaii little Taku. "Instead of being frozen with socks and never waking up, he shall become asleep. But he'll still be really cold to fool the wizardy guy thing. "  
"SUPER EVIL ICY WIZARDY ADOLESCENT TOMOKI!" A voice screamed out of nowhere. Then..."Sorry, go on."

"And, only someone who is seriously and totally hot will be able to kiss the then grown up Takuya. One day, his true love will come, and kiss Takuya, and if they are truly hot, they will awaken him from the ice spell and... I dunno, live happily ever after eating pocky or somethin'." Fairy Nee then poked Kawaii little Taku's head with the pocky stick, and left a strawberry smudge on his fourhead.

The King and Queen bowed and thanked the Fairy Nee in unison. Then, as the Kawaii little Taku slept, the entire kingdom settled down for fifteen years, waiting for the prince to grow. Who knows, maybe the Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki will totally forget about Kawaii little Taku. And he won't need to be subjected to PWP in order to be awakened from a fitful ice...thing. But when has it ever been that easy?


	2. Enter Prince Taki,Prince Kouji, and DOOM

_Enter Prince Takky, Prince Kouji, and DOOM._

* * *

It wasn't long after the curse that the King ordered all of his royal subjects to completely burn every single pair of socks in the land. Many opposed this rule, but eventually they all decided to burn their socks until not one sock remained. The kingdom was sockless. The king and queen worried themselves ill. But still, much to Takuya's ignorance, no one else seemed to care or notice. On Takuya's sixth birthday, Fairy Nee and Fairy Boko came to see the King and Queen again.

"Your majesties!" Fairy Boko cried. "It is a most tragic thing, we have received a notice from Super Evil Icy Wizard Adolescent Tomoki!"  
The king snapped to attention. "What does it read?"  
Fairy Boko read aloud: "Ten more years, even in your sockless kingdom. With love, Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki."  
The king slumped in his chair. "So...he knows we've gotten rid of all the socks..."  
"Well of course, silly," Fairy Nee said. "You have notices about it posted all over the kingdom.  
"Oh, that's right!" the king exclaimed.

Kawaii Little Taku, now six and no longer incapable of speech, suddenly squealed. "FAIRY NYMPES!" he said in glee, and glomped Fairy Nee. "HOW COOL!" His younger brother, Shinya (now two) squealed and clapped his hands. "Fay-re!"  
"I suggest..." Fairy Boko began slowly, ignoring Fairy Nee's cries of pain as Takuya pulled his ears, asking his mother how he had such long ears. ("Takuya! Stop pulling his ears this instant!" "But Kaa-saaaan, they're so cool! -Tugs-")  
"That Kawaii Little Taku is taken away. And on his sixteenth birthday, if he is carefully guarded, he shall not suffer the dreadful fate."  
"We're goin' on a trip, Kaa-san?" said Kawaii little Taku, sounding excited.  
Fairy Boko looked pained as he said the following, "He should be taken away from even his family, who might possibly wish to see him so badly that they may give away his hiding place. Fairy Nee and I shall take care of him."  
And so, have much heated discussion and painful good-byes, Fairy Nee and Fairy Boko took Takuya out of the castle he spent his entire short life in, on a green and warm summer morning. He waved an enthusiastic good-bye to his mother, father, and brother, fully expecting to come back by sunset and play with Shinya.

Little did they know, in another kingdom a few hours later...

"How sad," the queen murmured, looking very sullenly at the notice just sent to the kingdom.  
"What sad, Satomi-san?" a small long and dark haired prince said curiously.  
"The poor prince of the other kingdom has been taken into hiding because of an Evil Wizard Adolescent." She sighed. "Kids. They don't get their way, they threaten to freeze people and completely destroy the morale value of socks, or to shower you in pink flames for the fun of it."  
"You mean super evil icy sawks?"  
"I don't see the differ-"  
"Why is the otter prince going hiding?" The young prince looked blankly at the notice.  
"Because if he didn't, he would be frozen. I think that is very sad. Don't you think so Kouji-chan?"  
Kouji thought for a moment. "I guess. But he must've done it for some reason. It's bad for the prince, but I guess he'll have to deal being frozen." He shook his head. "I blam the creepy women. You know, those really weird ones that drool all over me and call me Kouji-chan with little swirly eyes. Can we sue them for molestion?"  
Satomi stared at Kouji. "No we cannot sue them, however creepy they are. Where did you learn that word?"  
"Sue?"  
"Molestation."  
"...Why can't we sue them?"  
"Because we can't sue the author, dear."  
Kouji crosses his arms and mumbles, "Creepy pedos..."  
Satomi sighed. She looked again at the notice, then folded the paper and put it away. "Who knows, maybe sometime you'll meet the other prince, Kouji-chan. And you can befriend him."

Kouji made a face. "If he pissed a wizard off-"  
"Kouji! Watch your language!"  
"-enough to get him frozen by sawks, I don't want to meet him. He must be an idiot."

(Elsewhere! No, you can't know where, they're in hiding remember?)

When Kawaii lil Taku reached a cottage deep within the wilderness surrounding the kingdom, Fairy Nee and Fairy Boko began to introduce him to everything. How to get warm water in the morning to bathe, where to find good berries, where not to stop in poison ivy, and other things that made Takuya (as young as he was ) think that he would be staying longer then a day. Excited, he assumed he would be having a sleep-over with the Fairy Nee and Fairy Boko, and kept them up all night chattering and asking them to play.  
"FOR THE THOUSANDTH TIME TAKUYA!" Fairy Boko yelled, finally losing his patience as Kawaii little Taku jumped onto his bed and began asking how cheese was made. "GO TO BED!"  
"You're no fun," Kawaii little Taku pouted, and he sulked back to his room.

Kawaii little Taku sat by the door all day, waiting to see his mother or father walking through the brush and foliage to pick him up, expecting to leave this little cottage. All day he waited expectantly, looking very sullen.  
"Boko-san," Kawaii little Takuya said as he was given some rice that night after sitting all day waiting." When am I going home? Kaa-san hasn't come to pick me up yet."  
Fairy Boko said nothing, so Kawaii little Takuya shifted to Fairy Nee. "Nee-san, where is my Kaa-san?"  
"Silly Kawaii little Taku!" Fairy Nee said, pinching his cheeks. "Didn't anyone tell you? You're going to live here for many years! You won't see your family for a long time! Because an Evil Icy Wizard is trying to freeze you using socks and-"

Fairy Boko face falted and stayed on the ground as Takuya digested this information.  
"BAKAMON!" Fairy Boko screeched, pulling his waistband. "YOU WEREN'T SURPOSED TO TELL HIM!"  
Fairy Nee looked confused. Or...more confused then normal. Like super-confused... "Did you think we were going to let him stay here for ten years and never tell him why?"  
"Well...of COURSE not, but you didn't have to say it so bluntly!"  
"What's bruntly mean?" Kawaii little Taku asked curiously.  
"It means stupidly (He snapped Fairy Nee's waistband) tactlessly (Snap) and carelessly! (SnapSnapSnap. OW. He must be in pain. Poor Fairy Nee.)  
Kawaii little Taku finally got the gist of what was going on, and his entire body seemed to shrink and darken. "You mean...I'm never going to see Kaa-san again?" He whimpered.  
Fairy Boko looked pathetically at the whimpering Kawaii little Taku. "Now now, it's only for ten years, and then you can go home. You won't be frozen or harmed at all by the Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki."  
"I want Kaa-san!" Kawaii little Takuya screeched kicking the table and flipping it. "I want Kaa-san I want Kaa-san! I WANT KAA-SAN!"  
Fairy Nee, still keeling over from having his waistband snapped so many times, puffed out, "Oh, don't worry, Kawaii little Taku! You'll have fun with us!"  
"I'm never going to see my family again!" Kawaii little Taku sobbed.

Fairy Boko looked lost. He'd never dealt with children, and how exactly DO you comfort a child who's going to spend ten years away from his mother and father, unless he gets frozen first?  
"Ten years isn't so long-"  
"Ten years is an ENTENITY!" Kawaii little Taku wailed. "Especially when you're going to be attacked by creepy women!"  
Helpless, Fairy Boko and Fairy Nee let Kawaii little Taku run crying to his room; the room he would live in for ten years.

..

(Nine years and eleven months later.)  
...

.

Kawaii lil Taku was not Kawaii little Taku anymore, though he was still very kawaii. He just wasn't little. He was now Innocently Hot and Charming Takuya. Innocently Hot and Charming Takuya (Shortened to 'Innocent Taki') had indeed lived with Fairy Nee and Fairy Boku until this very day, the day before his sixteenth birthday. Tomorrow he would either freeze by the wrath of sawks, or be spared and live happily ever after without the possibility of EWW.  
Fairy Nee and Fairy Boko were worried sick about Innocent Taki on the day before his Birthday, but Innocent Taki was as inquisitive as ever. All his life he had always explored the wilderness around the cottage, and today was no different. He decided to take a walk through the forest, and to romp around letting his imagination take over to amuse himself. It sure got boring with a Fairy Nee and a Fairy Boko as your stepparents, and you learned to be imaginative.

As much as this disturbed Fairy Nee and Fairy Boko, they decided that it was not technically his birthday yet, so that he would safe enough to take a quick walk.

"And mind you don't talk to strangers!" Fairy Boko yelled after him as he started down a worn dirt path he created in his few months as a guest on the cottage.  
"Right!" he yelled back, his voice much deeper then the squeaky Kawaii lil Taku's.  
"And mind you don't get lost!" Fairy Boko added.  
"I won't!" Innocent Takuya responded.  
"And mind you-"  
"Whatever!" he interrupted cheerfully, and set off at a run, cackling madly at ditching the Fairy Boko, whose fourhead erupted in red anger veins.  
"Isn't he so innocently cute?" Fairy Nee drawled. "Let's have another one?"  
Fairy Boku snapped his waistband many, many times.

...

.  
(Meanwhile, Thousands of Miles Away, in that other Kingdom...)

..  
...

"Nii-san..." Kouji-chan, (Now known as Sexy True Love Prince Kouji.) said irritably, looking back over his shoulder at his twin. "I don't see why you're forcing me off into a conveniently placed forest conveniently with a horse to move faster into land that conveniently is as of yet unexplored and why I'm conveniently the one who must explore it."  
His twin shrugged, tilting his head. "Don't ask me...that's just what my lines say...I'd rather you stay and play 'Go' with me."  
A shoe thus flew out of no where and hit the back of his head, where his demeanor changed entirely. "But Kouji, you must go into the conveniently placed forest!...To...explore and such! As the prince of this kingdom you are required to be brave; are you telling me you're afraid of a little exploring?"  
Sexy True Love Prince Kouji looked exasperated at his brother. "Kouichi. Did you get a shoe thrown at you again?"  
"Yes," Kouichi muttered, staring at the ground. "I don't get it either..."  
Sexy True Love Prince Kouji sighed and mounted a white stallion, situating himself comfortably. "I'll go into this forest and explore or whatever...if just to save your head from getting mauled by shoes."

Kouichi visibly brightened and smiled happily. "Thank you Otou-chan! You're the grea- I mean...you are...most worthy of this...prince...thing." He looked warily around for anyone with a shoe.  
"But remember," he warned, looking seriously at his brother. "You have to come back before sunset."  
Sexy True Love Prince Kouji groaned and sulked. "Please don't go into that again..."  
"Yes, Kouji. You have to find a date for the ball tonight."

It was tradition; every year the two kingdoms would meet and host a ball to celebrate their friendship. Typically, the princes of each kingdom were required to come to the ball with someone, a 'date'. Kouji, for the past several balls, ignored this rule and came single. Not that he wanted to come at all. He was required to, unless he wanted to start a war with the other kingdom. But this year was an important year for Prince Kouji and Prince Kouichi; they were sixteen. Being sixteen, they were now ready to take the kingdom as their own and make the important choices of running it. However, Kouji couldn't show up without a date. This time, he couldn't slide. If he didn't have a date, he wouldn't receive the privilege. And Kouji had been looking forward to ruling the kingdom his whole life! He just HAD to become king! And he just couldn't wait to be king!  
"What's with the Disney reference?" Kouichi asked of his brother.  
"What?" Kouji asked back, completely confused. Kouichi looked doubly confused, but shrugged.  
"Nothing."

"I can always go with you..." Kouji wondered hopefully.  
"...Er. No, no you can't." Kouichi said with a raised brow. "Look, just come back by sunset. I'm sure I'll find you some girl who's willing to go along with you."  
Sexy True Love Prince Kouji rolled his eyes and shuddered. That was an understatement. The females of the kingdom would cut off their fingers if they thought it would make him happy. When he got back, he'd probably find all of them in a cat fight over who took him to the ball. They were so...creepy...  
"Just go along and have a good time!" Kouichi grinned and waved at his brother, queuing him to leave before he got hit with another shoe for holding up the story.  
And so, the Sexy True Love Prince Kouji rode off at a lazy pace into the conveniently placed forest. To explore and such. Little did he know, in his exploring, he would meet the very idiot he never wanted to, as mentioned several paragraphs ago! (Foreshadowing rules!)

...

.  
(In the so-named 'Conveniently Placed Forest.')

..  
...

As he walked in the Conveniently Placed Forest, Innocent Takuya hummed an off tune Utada Hikaru song, so botched and bruised from his 'singing' that it was as of yet unrecognizable. He stopped to pet the animals, all of which fled from him. Hey, at least they have the sense to avoid someone who sings badly. Some people like that end up being rather scary.  
But he pouted as the fourth squirrel ran off from him with a scolding chatter as he tried to hit a high note, and soon grew bored of his accustomed walk and awful singing. He sighed and collapsed to the foresty ground, lying on his back and putting his hands behind his head as he stared up into the leafy ceiling.  
"What's the point of being some kind of powerful prince if all I do with my life is walk around in a forest every day?" he said monotonously. "It's as though I'm conveniently bored and waiting for something to happen."  
Little did he know, he was.  
"Eh?" He looked up with an eye brow raised. "I was what?"

"Weird."

So...anyway...  
He suddenly heard scuffling and rustling through the foliage. Takuya raised a brow and lifted his upper half, staring curiously towards the sound. He couldn't see where the rustling came from, but it was close enough to hear the stamping of an impatient horse and the cursing of a very ticked off teenager.  
All negative experiences told him to stay away from something odd, and as Fairy Boko constantly reminded him, away from strangers. "You never know," he would warn as Innocently Hot Takuya stubbornly stared at the ceiling with his arms behind his head. "If the stranger is Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki in disguise. He's a wizard, you know. Wizards can disguise themselves."  
"Whatever..." Takuya had just replied moodily, sulking back to his room. Lonliness was having an effect on the boy.  
And now, in this time and place, he could possibly meet another teen! Someone he could talk to! Someone he could play with! Or maybe not play...'Hang out' with. Yeah. That works better. But still...Fairy Boko's concerns weighed heavily on his mind. So he put a scale in his mind. Responsibility, plus Fairy Boko, plus the fear of Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki. And on the other side of the scale, the fact of meeting someone new for the first time in YEARS.  
Needless to say, the scale was outweighed so much; Innocent Taki fell on his head. He smiled sheepishly to himself and picked the leaves and dead things from his hair. Disobedience it is!

And so he slyly scooched towards the cursing, where he was learning a few new words and a few new ways to use old words from whoever was spitting them out.  
He came to a clearing with a tiny stream running through it, where a very regal looking teenager dressed in royal blue that was quite grass stained and wrinkled. His back was hunched over the stream, and his face was contorted in anger as he washed a bloody knee with the water. Apparently, the horse (Now standing a few feet off, watching the teenager with a look of disdain.) had bucked his rider off, and then kicked his knee.  
"Stupid, disgusting animal," Kouji spat as he pat his bloody knee with a torn piece of his robe. "Idiotic, ludicrous burden. Piece of-"  
And Innocent Taki learned a new word.  
"-beast..."  
"Hey!" Innocent Taki called to him, coming out of his hiding place.  
The other boy was so surprised he fell back onto the ground, landing with an 'Oomph!' and glaring up at the stranger.  
"Who the hell are you?" he said roughly.  
Innocent Taki tilted his head and pouted." I'm Innocently Hot and Charming Takuya, shortened to Innocent Taki! What's your name?"  
The stranger scowled, unaffected by Innocently Hot and Charming Takuya's pout, and picked himself up. "I'm Prince Kouji..." he said in a low voice, emphasizing 'prince'. He apparently mistook Innocent Taki as a peasant and wanted him to know his place. How egocentric! "But for some reason everyone calls me Sexy True Love Prince Kouji."  
"Why?"  
"...No idea...I get the feeling that those creepy women have something to do with it..."  
Innocent Taki beamed. Finally, someone who understood his views about insane women!

"But that's not any of your business."  
Innocent Taki looked sullen again. Just his luck to meet an anti-social person, after all these years...  
"I'll be going now, if this son of a-"  
And Innocent Taki learned a new word.  
"-ing horse would just let me get back on his back."  
Innocent Taki sulked a little more, then became happy again. "But you shouldn't leave now! You should tend to your wound first; it's still bleeding." He ran over to the other boy, ignoring his grunts of 'It's fine.' and 'There's nothing wrong with it.' and 'STOP TOUCHING ME!' as he settled him back on the ground.  
"I was raised in this forest," Innocent Taki said cheerfully. "I know all about the plants that can help your knee heal faster!"  
"I don't want your f-"  
Innocent Taki learned yet another word. My, he was learning quite a lot today!  
"-ing plants and I don't want your help!"  
Innocent Taki thought for a moment, and then pulled Sexy True Love Prince Kouji up again and towards the direction of the cottage.  
"My surrogate parents will help you then! And when you're good as new, you can go back home then if you want..."

Sexy True Love Kouji thought about this. Personally, he suddenly felt a pull to the other boy, perhaps because he mentioned his surrogate parents. He had his own step-mother, and could feel a connection with the boy there. The bonding stopped at that point. He felt, in his opinion, the boy was an idiot. But he was right, despite being an idiot. His knee was wounded too badly. None the less, he needed to get back home before sunset, but had the feeling Innocent Taki didn't want him to leave. Not that he wanted to return home immediately anyway, so he decided to stick around.  
"I'll go with you to your...house or cottage or whatever," he muttered, folding his pants' leg tighter so that it wouldn't keep scraping his wound. "Then I want to go home."  
"Great! Off we go!" Innocent Taki cheered. He grabbed the Prince before he had a chance to say no, and off they went. He talked non-stop, saying entirely random things and jumping from one topic to another, never seeming to stop to catch his breath or let Prince Kouji get a single word in. Prince Kouji would've wanted to strangle him to make him shut up if he hadn't been so tired, and he hadn't felt any pity towards Innocent Taki, which he did.  
"How do you...do you know your way around this place?" Prince Kouji panted as Innocent Taki paused for a split second, wiping some sweat off of his dirty brow.  
"I told you silly, I grew up here!" Innocent Taki said with an over-happy-happiness. Kind of creepy...guess loneliness makes you a little insane at first.

"And why exactly did you grow up in a conveniently placed forest in the middle of two powerful kingdoms in a cottage?" Prince Kouji said sardonically.  
"Because there's a creepy wizard who's gonna try and kill me. You see, when I was a baby there was a super evil wizardy guy who tried to freeze me and all. So I had to go into hiding before he froze me! I'm a prince too, but my parents can't have me back until the end of my birthday, which is tomorrow!" He looked happily back at the speechless Prince Kouji. "And to think I meet you now! What a birthday present, a new friend!"

Kouji was...slightly disturbed. But all the while, slightly amused. Satomi-san had been right; he had ended up meeting the doomed prince and, according to him, befriending him. In a little part of him, (Way, way, way down deep in there.) he kind of liked Innocent Taki. Though he still wanted him to shut up. For after explaining his reason for living in a cottage to Prince Kouji, he immediately continued a one-sided conversation about wombats.

Sexy True Love Prince Kouji was ready to throttle Innocent Taki (Now apparently Prince Innocent Taki) when he suddenly dragged him out of the forest and shoved him towards a little cottage.  
"There it is!" he cheered, dragging Prince Kouji and somehow skipping at the same time. "Now we shall get that knee of yours fixed up!"  
Said knee was not bleeding as badly, but Kouji had developed a limp on it and was twitching slightly with pain as he put his weight on it trying to keep up with Innocent Taki. Though he smirked to himself; as least now he would have an excuse not to dance at the ball.

They BLASTED through the door with Innocent Taki chorusing 'I'm home!' to two people apparently called Boko-san and Nee-san. Prince Kouji hung his head and sweatdropped, mildly surprised that the door didn't break or the roof didn't cave in. However, he was beginning to get a clue on how Innocent Taki worked.  
Randomly.  
"Boko-saaaaaan!" he said in a sing-song voice so cheerful it sent a shiver down Prince Kouji's spine. "Nee-saaaan! I brought a friend home with me!"  
At first, there was silence, then a crash as someone came running through the tiny cottage, and another crash as he burst through the door. Prince Kouji sweatdropped again. Well, at least now he knew where Taki got it from...  
"Innocent Taku-chan is home!" Fairy Nee yelled to someone else, then waddled up to Innocent Taki and Prince Kouji, staring cluelessly at the latter. "Who's that?"  
"I met him in the forest!" Innocent Taki said, apparently very pleased with himself. Prince Kouji 'huffed' and looked away.  
Fairy Boko wasn't far behind Fairy Nee, and he gawked as he saw Prince Kouji.  
"INNOCENT TAKI!" he moaned, beating his forehead. "How many times have I told you NOT to talk to strangers! It could be Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki, IN DISGUISE!"  
"Oh, Boko-san." Innocent Taki sighed, winking at Kouji, who continued looking away and 'humphing' again. He's such a JERK in this chapter - -  
"THIS is the prince of the other kingdom! Sexy True Love Prince Kouji! He's hurt his knee, and I thought that we could help him before he returns home!"

Fairy Boko gawked at Prince Kouji, who peered at him out of the corner of his eye. Innocent Prince Taki had very strange step-parents...  
"Fine. We'll fix his knee up. But don't expect him to stay any longer then th-"  
"You don't have to fix my knee," Prince Kouji interrupted, afraid of losing his excuse for being unable to dance at the ball. "Besides, er, I have to be home before sunset anyway."  
As odd as he was, Prince Kouji felt sort of depressed at the sullen look that suddenly came over Innocent Prince Taki's face. Well, he didn't have to get so emotional about it...  
"Why do you have to leave before sunset?" Innocent Prince Taki inquired. "You don't want to stay with me anymore?"

Meanwhile, Fairy Boko was administering cool, soothing lotions made out of plants from in the forest to Kouji's knee, which was slowly becoming less red and swollen.  
"It's not that. I just...have an engagement," Prince Kouji said evasively, pulling his leg away from Fairy Boko. "And I don't want you touching my leg!" he snapped at him, though his knee was already more then half healed.  
"Well, if you're going to be a brat about it!" Fairy Boku said huffily, "Then I sugge-"  
"What kind of engagement?" Innocent Taki interrupted, sounding excited. "Like a party?"  
Prince Kouji sighed. "It's a ball...and now that you healed my stupid knee, I have to-" he paused for a moment, and then looked oddly at Innocent Prince Taki, who stared at Prince Kouji and blinked.  
'Hmm...' That Prince of Sex Kouji thought to himself, wondering...  
Well. If he was forced to do it, he might as well do it with someone who wasn't an insane creepy fangirl who just wanted him to undress.  
"How would you like to come with me to the ball?"

Innocent Taki's face GLOWED and he glomped Prince Kouji. "YAYAYAYAYAY! I want to go to a party!"  
"No, you are not going!" Fairy Boko said immediately. "It's the very day before your birthday! What if the Wizard with the Long Name attacks you?"  
But Innocent Taki just rolled his eyes. "Oh Boko-san! He said he would freeze me ON my birthday, not before it! What's the harm of going to a party BEFORE my birthday? Besides," He sulked a little. "I haven't seen my parents in such a very, very long time."  
Prince Kouji suddenly felt another wave of pity for Innocent Taki, and personally vowed to make absolutely sure that he came to the ball with him, whether he had to physically wrench him from Fairy Boko. But there was no need, as Fairy Nee suddenly piped up.  
"He IS right, Bokomon. Why shouldn't Innocent Taku-chan go to a ball for his birthday and see his family? As long as he's back here before his birthday tomorrow, it should be fine, right? And Prince Kouji-kun can look out for Innocent Taki and make sure he doesn't get into mischief."  
Nothing was said for a moment.  
"Neemon," Fairy Boko said suddenly. "That is the single smartest thing I have ever heard you say."  
"Who said what?" Fairy Nee said, sounding confused.

And so, after a face-fault, and waist band snappings from all around, Innocent Prince Takky left with Prince Kouji to go to the ball. Little did they know, as the author foreshadowed events even more then they need to be foreshadowed, that DOOM was upon them!


	3. Comebacks and Evil yet Comfy Sawks

Sleeping Baka  
_Comebacks and Evil yet Comfy Sawks_

Soon after meeting with Fairy Boko and Fairy Nee, Innocent and Charming Taki and Sexy True Love Kouji went off to the ball in the kingdom where Innocent Taki was born. Kouji's knee was now almost nearly healed, somehow, like magically, even though we don't know why, and he was no longer limping on it. We figure it to be the magical world of Fangirlism that healed his knee, so they rolled with it. This was extremely useful so that the two could run away from the crazy ranting Fairy Boko who reprimanded them for perhaps half an hour before Innocent and Charming (Yet perhaps a little naughty) Prince Takuya and Sexy True Lover Kouji ran off into the forest with cackles of glee.

They were walking on foot instead of riding the white stallion, partly because they didn't trust the horse, (Or at least Kouji didn't. Takuya didn't care and just did whatever Kouji liked. ...Not like THAT! Guttermind!) and partly because they both couldn't actually fit on the thing. It would've made a very interesting position though. Hmm...  
And so, the two arrived an hour after sunset, long after Prince Kouji should have been home to prepare for the ball.  
As they arrived, Innocent Prince Takuya stared in awe at the huge castle that Kouji lived in, and in mournful longing at the castle of the other kingdom just outside the Conveniently Placed Forest. Kouji didn't seem to care. He just sort of arrived without a second glance and that was that. The white stallion did not care either, for he was a horse, and horses (although extremely intelligent) don't exactly place the same value on big houses and fancy gates and stuff. I wonder if this is the same Noble Steed from Koujipunzle?  
They met up with a hassled looking Prince Kouichi near the gate entrance. 'Hassled' meaning 'He looked as though he'd been torn apart by ravaging fangirls looking for his brother and had only just changed from whatever was left of his clothing'. His arms were crossed over his black and purple robe and his foot tapped impatiently as Sexy True Lover Prince Kouji finally reappeared from the forest.

"Ototou-chaaan," he began, looking suspiciously over his shoulder in case there were traces of fangirlism about. "You've been gone far too long, you were supposed to come back at sunset and save me from horrible fangirls and crazy flying shoes, remember?"  
The Sexy True Love younger twin sighed and rubbed his temple. "Yeah, I remember. But I got sidetracked, and sort of ran into someone. Someone interesting." He tilted his head towards Innocent Taki with a smirk. "I'm going to change now." And he left without another word.  
Prince Kouichi stared and blinked at Takuya. "Eheh...wait, you mean Ototou-chan brought you as his date?"  
Innocent Taki pulled on his most innocently cute face and shrugged. "Yes?"  
"...Well!...I mean...Hurrah! Ototou-chan is finally getting in touch with his yaoi side!" Where as Prince Kouichi then glomped the unsuspecting Innocent Taki. Innocent Prince Taki just blinked at the huggling Prince Kouichi. "It's about time; that guy's been in denial all his life. This is indeed a grand occasion!"  
Before Innocent Prince Taki could say anything, a shoe flew out of no where and hit Prince Kouichi again. He let go of Innocent Taki with a mumble, and cursing anything involving shoes, he took the Noble Steed and started leading it away.  
"By the way," he added before he got too far away. "Order that Ototou-chan of mine to get you fresh clothes. He's not always the brightest guy when it comes to making other people comfortable."  
Innocent Taki waved with a confused look on his face. There were fanboys?

Coool...

True Love Prince Kouji returned shortly after, now in fresh navy robes.  
He looked around for Prince Kouichi, raising a brow at his absence. "Where's that brother of mine gone now?"  
"Oh, he went to return the horse to its proper housing!" Innocent Prince Taki explained. "He also told me to order you to...er, please provide me with fresh clothes?"  
"Already done," Prince Kouji said, jerking his thumb at two women carrying some clothing behind him. "Just hurry and change so we don't start a cataclysmic war with the other kingdom because they got all offended."  
Innocent Taki began pulling on crimson robes, but was still too curious to be quiet. "Why was this ball thingy started?"  
Kouji paused for a moment, and then shrugged. "I was too young when it happened for me to get most of it. But apparently after losing their oldest son, which would apparently be you, the King and Queen of the other kingdom decided to throw a ball in honor of his birthday. In hopes of making more friends then enemies so that the same thing wouldn't happen to their second born, they offered for everyone to attend. Apparently anyone important who doesn't attend is proclaiming their dislike for the King and Queen and it could start a feud or a war."  
"...But that's so _stupid."_  
Sexy True Love Prince Kouji grinned. "Yeah, it is. That's what I've been saying for as long as it's been going on."  
Innocent Taki finished putting on the robes, and looked himself over. Wow, these were fancy things.  
True Love Prince of Sex Kouji eyed him for a moment, awkwardly silent. "You look...great."  
Innocent Prince Takuya grinned." You too."

"Sorry I've returned so late," Prince Kouichi apologized, suddenly walking into the scene and dodging a flying shoe for interrupting the possible shounen-ai. "Ahah! I'm getting the hang of missing those things!"  
Innocent Prince Takuya just rubbed the back of his neck with a sweatdrop. "So, how are we getting to the other kingdom?" he asked.  
"NOT on a horse," Sexy Prince Kouji said immediately, glaring at his brother as if he had suggested it. Or maybe he was glaring at him for interrupting possible shounen-ai. Who knows?  
Kouichi wasn't sure why his ototou-chan was glaring at him. After all, he didn't suggest riding on the stallion to the other kingdom, and he didn't purposely intend to walk in on a possible shounen-ai moment. If he had known there was possible shounen-ai to be found, he would've stayed in the shadows and spied on them until otherwise stated. So why was he getting evil eye treatment?  
"Er, I guess we'll be riding in a carriage?"  
"Cool!" Innocent Taki cheered, "I've never ridden in a carriage before!"  
"I was just wondering..." Sexy True Love Prince Kouji began in typical know-it-all fashion, "Why can't we just get there a more modern way, considering we're in the twenty first century and no longer solely rely on horses for travel?"

Although he was a very hawt Sexy True Love Prince, Kouji then got pummeled with a shoe for being a smart ass. But it was a little shoe and didn't cause much damage.  
"That was...weird..." he muttered, rubbing his head.  
Prince Kouichi sighed in relief. "I thought I was getting another one." Then he paused for a moment, thinking. "We could ride bikes?"  
"That works." Kouji shrugged and went off to get his bike.  
Innocent Taki blinked. "I don't have a bike. The last bike I ever rode was like, ten years ago and is now about six sizes too small for me."  
"We have an extra," Prince Kouichi assured him.  
And so the three rode off towards the ball in twenty first century fashion, without any knowledge that they were riding straight into their own doom!

(In Innocent Prince Taki's home kingdom!)

"Hey Kouichi-kun, I was just wondering?" Innocent Taki asked as they came close to the castle.  
"Yeah?" Prince Kouichi responded.  
"Where's your date?"  
Sexy True Lover Prince Kouji glared at his brother, who suddenly looked sheepish. "Nii-san! After all that 'Kouji you gotta find a date' yatta yatta yatta, you don't have one yourself?"  
Prince Kouichi shyly smiled. "I have a date, but we're meeting up at the castle."  
"Who-"  
"Look, there's the castle now!"  
"Who's the-"  
"Everyone's waiting for us there-"  
"WHO ARE YOU GOING-"  
"You can see your parents now Taki-kun!" Kouichi said to Innocent Prince Takuya.  
"Damnit Kouichi!"  
Prince Kouichi winked at Innocent Prince Taki, and rode off separately into the crowd, wishing his still irritated twin and his date behind with a wish of good luck.  
"That damn brother of mine!"  
Innocent Taki looked wistfully into the crowd. "I wonder what my brother looks like, after ten years. He'll be a lot taller now, and he'll actually be talking in sentences of course. I wonder if he'll remember me."  
Sexy True Love Prince Kouji looked a little uncomfortable and awkward as Innocent Taki said this, and braked his bike. "We'll just leave them here as we go in. It's about time we got here, we're so late."

Innocent Taki suddenly had a disturbing thought. "Lover Kouji, what time is it?"  
Sexy True Love Prince Kouji looked at a watch conveniently placed on his wrist. "A little after 7:30, don't worry. I'll tell you when it's-" he stopped and stared at Takuya with what _may_ have been the possibility of a blush creeping up his cheeks. "What did you call me?"  
Innocent and Charming Takuya grinned innocently, dropped his bike, and pointed towards the crowd. "Shall we go?"  
"...Er. Yeah. Sure."

It was too awkward for them to walk hand in hand into the castle, so they just walked side by side. A few murmurs were heard as they passed through random people, though for the most part they were ignored. Hey, it was a party, and it had been going on for over an hour. Who cares who comes in after the first fifteen minutes, even if it's the sexy and powerful princes of two kingdoms? Walking side by side. Together.  
...Alright, so there were a _couple _fangirls and boys alike who suddenly melted into puddles of goo.

Sexy True Love Kouji bowed when they met the King and Queen and was about to leave, but Takuya did something way different. Innocent Taki ran into the Queen's arms and hugged her, and the Queen began crying happy tears.  
"Oh, my son! My beautiful Taki-chan, safe, and so grown up now."  
"Onii-san!" Shinya attacked Innocent Takuya from behind and hugged him.

Sexy True Love Kouji watched silently as Takuya got reacquainted to his family after being gone for ten years, but soon they decided that they would completely reacquaint themselves in a day, after his birthday and after the threat of evil icy sawks was gone. For now, they decided, let him enjoy the ball.  
And so Innocent Taki returned to Sexy True Lover Kouji, looking a little out of place. "So...what exactly do people do at these balls?"  
True Love Kouji shrugged. "I usually sneak out in the middle of them."  
"I just have one question."  
"Eh?"  
"Why exactly is the 'Numa Numa' song playing at a ball?"  
Indeed it was, the strange foreign techno song of doom was blasting in the background and at every "Numa Numa", people would jump and sing along with that one part, then be suddenly quiet, because no one but insane people like the author, who has no life, actually has memorized that entire song and knows that it's actual title is 'Dragoste din tei'.  
True Lover Prince Kouji shrugged.  
"I honestly have no idea." It was clearly not an ordinary ball. Not when there were three kinds of techno music blasting out of huge speakers all throughout the room.  
Innocent Taki glanced around a bit, looking bored. "...What time is it?"  
Sexy True Love Prince Kouji smirked. "What, you want to leave now?"  
"...It's a little weird here."  
"It's nearly eight."  
"Damn."  
There was a little awkward silence as the two princes considered their options. They could leave, but they'd be breaking their promise to Fairy Boko, who made them swear (Four or five times.) That they would ONLY be at the ball, and would come straight back before twelve midnight, for that was when Taki's birthday technically started. But what could they do when there was nothing to do?  
"...Want to dance with me and jump around like idiots?"  
Innocent Takuya cheered in response, suddenly eager to do anything and everything. "Yes!" And grabbed Prince Kouji's arm and dragged him off to dance and jump around like idiots.

Sexy True Love Prince Kouji had never enjoyed a ball so much in his entire life. Actually, he'd never enjoyed the balls. He hated them. He often wanted to set them on fire. But this one particular ball was so wonderfully fun that he couldn't wait until the next one, and all the time in between, when Innocent Taki would hopefully be spared from the Icy Wizard's curse, and they could be together for a long time without worrying about sawks, er, socks.  
Although obnoxious and a little weird, True Love Prince Kouji had never before enjoyed someone's company so much. He still occasionally just wanted to strangle Innocent Prince Taki, but not serious enough to cause brain damage as before. Nope, just to let him know he was getting a tad bit irritating. But still, none the less, he found himself beginning to fall for the quirky brunette, whom he'd only met a few hours before in the woods. Love, he mused, was funny that way.

Innocent and Charmingly Naughty Takuya on the other hand was utterly exhausted and couldn't really judge anything. Ten years of zero contact with any other people led him to zooming around meeting everyone he could, seeing people, talking to people, in between dancing and consuming huge amounts of sugary treats. Despite the huge amount of sugar he'd eaten, at eleven he was nodding off a little and rubbing his eyes to rid them of the sleepy feeling he was getting. At eleven-thirty he was just sitting next to Prince Kouji on a bench, while occasionally leaning and falling onto Sexy True Love Prince Kouji's shoulder and dozing off for a moment before being poked awake. The third time this happened, Sexy True Love Prince Kouji sighed.  
"Innocent Taki-chan, we should bring you back to Fairy Nee and Fairy Boko now. It's about time we leave anyway, plus you're just-"  
As he was speaking, Innocent Taki fell with a yawn onto Sexy True Love Prince Kouji's lap, where he curled up a little like a cat with his head on his hands, and dozed again.

Sexy True Love Prince Kouji just stared ahead, looking at nothing in particular, with a strained look of indifference on his face and a blush completely devouring his face. He looked around to see that no one was watching, looked again, (just to make sure.) hesitantly raised a hand, then began stroking Innocent and Charming Takuya's hair affectionately.  
"I really, really don't understand you. Nor do I have any idea why I like you at all, actually," he said softly, playing with a lock of Takuya's brunet hair. "But somehow-"  
Innocent and Charming Taki snored himself awake, making Prince Kouji jump a little in surprise. Innocent Taki just yawned, still looking like a cute little kitten curled up on it's master's lap, and leaned back. He stretched for a moment, cracked his neck and rubbed his eyes. "Lover Kouji, we should go back to Fairy Nee and Fairy Boko now. It's getting late."  
Sexy True Love Prince Kouji sighed, and then smiled. "Alright. Let me just go tell your parents that we're leaving."

He paused for a moment, then stood up and began to walk away. But then came back, paused, went away again, and then came back again, all the while looking very embarrassed.  
Innocent Taki just looked up at him, confused. "Eh, what are you doing?"  
Sexy True Lover Prince Kouji was about to leave again, but stopped, and finally reached down and kissed Innocent Taki's cheek.  
"Be back in a minute," he said quickly, finally going off into the crowd and leaving Innocent Taki with a not-so-innocent smirk in his face.  
He sat up for a minute or two, his hands behind his head and starring up at the ceiling. Then he slouched a little, people-watching for another minute. Somehow, every minute that passed was like an interminable period of time that couldn't be measured. He yawned again, then leaned his head back and closed his eyes. It couldn't do any harm to anyone just leaning back and napping for a moment, right?  
And so Not-So-Innocent Taki fell asleep on the spot, with Sexy True Love Prince Kouji a whole ballroom away, seven minutes to midnight, and a very sudden drafty chill in the air.  
The last thing that Innocent Takuya could remember at that ball was sudden coldness, and a very young laugh.

He slowly began to open his eyes, staring in the darkness, then suddenly gasped and jumped up. He'd fallen asleep? For how long? Where the heck was he? There were no people, no lights, and no Lover Kouji...  
"Yay, Takuya-nii-san has woken up!"  
Innocent Taki blinked and looked around, finally noticing a younger brunette smiling happily at him.  
"I'm so relieved; I thought Takuya-onii-san would sleep for a long time."  
Innocent Takuya rubbed his head which suddenly felt a little sore, and groaned. "Where am I? And how do you know my name?"  
The younger brunette just smiled. "You're...you're...actually I don't know where you are... I guess we're in some corner of the castle that no one uses anymore."  
Innocent and Charming Takuya's eyes were adjusting to the darkness, and he could see that he was indeed in a room that had obviously been empty for a long time. There was a thick coat of dust on the walls, shiny spider webs in the corners, and a gritty feeling in the floor. The entire room looked old, and so did everything inside it. The only thing that looked like it had been cleaned recently was a hastily dusted off bed. And on top of the bed, looking a little out of place, was a pair of sawks.

Innocent Taki knew that sawks were dangerous, but he hadn't seen a sawk in ten years, so curiousity got the better of him. He walked over to the bed and picked up the sawks, feeling them and holding them close to his face so that he could see them better. They were bright fiery red with little flames on the sides, and they were_ ever _so soft and looked _ever _so warm and cozy...  
"Don't you just want to try the sawks on, Takuya-onii-chan?" The younger brunette said in his ear, floating in the air magically.  
Innocent and Charming Taki did want to put the sawks on, very much, they were such awesome sawks and they did look so comfortable...but his brain suddenly clicked in place with what he'd been told all his life.  
"You're the Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki!" he gasped, throwing the sawks on the bed again. "I will never fall into your trap!"  
The self proclaimed Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki sighed. "You caught me. But honestly Takuya-onii-san I'm not superly evil, I just want to protect you from EWW. Don't you want to be protected from insane fangirls who try to force you into lemons?"  
Innocent Takuya sighed. He was a little creeped out by fangirls, but that was no reason to be evil! He turned around to face the Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki with a determined look on his face.  
"I don't care, I shall never fall into your trap!"

"Then I'm afraid that you have left me with no choice!" Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki proclaimed, floating high in the air and causing an icy wind to come out of no where. Innocent Takuya shielded his face from the freezing wind, but he was suddenly thrown back onto the bed with a yell of protest. The wind moved the sawks and carefully slid them over Innocent Takuya's feet, and when they were completely pulled up, the wind died down.  
Innocent and Charming Taki quickly pulled himself up and stared in horror at the totally hawt red sawks on his feet, and although for a fleeting moment he felt pure warmth, in a split second he collapsed on the bed again, cold as death itself.  
Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki sighed, genuinely apologetic. "You made me do it Takuya-onii-san. We can't have insane fangirls running around trying to molest you. Believe me, I didn't WANT you to be a giant frozen ice thingy for the rest of your life. "  
But, still. Something was a little off. He floated to Innocent Taki and touched his face, which was freezing cold, so apparently his spell had worked. But he couldn't shake the feeling that something was a little off.

He shrugged and floated out of the room, locking it tight. He would bring Innocent Taki back to his Super Evil Icy Castle at dawn; he just needed everyone to be unsuspecting of the Innocent Taki's whereabouts. And who in their right mind would consider that he would still be in the castle? So for now, Innocent Taki would lay there, a frozen statue, until Super Evily Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki came to retrieve him.  
He suddenly disappeared in a flash of cold air, leaving Innocent Taki deep in a frozen sleep in a room that no one remembered existed, without a hope for waking from his frozen sleep.

That is, of course, except for the Sexy True Love Prince Kouji, who very shortly before had realized that Innocent Taki had disappeared. Now if only Sexy True Love Prince Kouji could figure out how to find his beloved, before it was too late!


	4. Only the Fangirls Actually Get It

Sleeping Baka  
_Only the Fangirls Actually Get It_

Sexy True Love Kouji's eye twitched at the empty bench. The empty bench that did not hold a Innocent Taki. The empty bench that was just...empty. Without an adorably sleeping Takuya.  
Which was just wrong in so many ways.

At first, he tried to convince himself that Innocent Taki had gone off to use the bathroom.  
This wasn't effective enough.  
Then he tried to convince himself he'd gone off to gorge on more treats.  
Still not effective enough.  
_Then_ he tried to convince himself that he'd been abducted by evil fangirls with intentions of molesting him with words and strange, improbable lemon scenes between him and other sexy but not nearly _as _sexy bishounen, and it would be a cinch if not an enjoyment to just kill them off and rescue his Innocent Taki.  
The thought of the insanity actually scared him more then he wanted it to, and, it was still not effective enough to convince him that Taki-Prince-chan was unharmed.  
Damn.

Not to mention, it was extremely hard to convince himself of any of these things when there was a little note, conveniently left behind by a very thoughtful evil wizard, which read:  
"Dear Prince Kouji, (And/or Sexy True Love Prince Kouji)  
Thanks for delivering Takuya-onii-san you fool! I've taken him away, and you'll never find him, so HAHAHAlolrofl to you. He's probably already frozen by the time you read this. So you stink. With love, Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki."  
And a crude drawing of a face sticking out it's tongue.  
This was so stupid.  
And he used chatspeak. Ugh.

It was a mistake to bring Innocent Taki to the ball; that much was for certain. And it was his fault that Innocent Taki was taken away...  
He crushed up the paper and crunched it under his foot. Damn evil wizard, there was no way he was going to get away with stealing his Innocent Taki!  
But where to look? What to do? For all he knew, Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki could have taken him to an eeeevil creepy icy super evil castle somewhere in the Conveniently Placed Forest. Or he could be in this castle, keeping Innocent Taki hostage.  
Sexy True Love Prince Kouji decided that, as nothing was _ever_ that easy, he should assume that Innocent Taki had been taken away to some kind of super evil icy castle.  
Where to find it...  
Hmm. Where to find a Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Castle...

"It couldn't be that super evil icy wizardy looking castle in the west-east, could it?" asked Kouichi, staring innocently at his brother, who jumped in the air and clutched his pounding heart.  
"DAMN IT. Don't sneak up on me! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"  
Kouichi shrugged. "You were having trouble trying to figure out where to go. You never were the brightest figuring that stuff out."  
"...How'd you know I needed to go somewhere?"  
The elder twin looked around, a little disturbed and a little exasperated. "Am I really the only one who hears it?"  
Blink. "Hears what?"  
Kouichi sighed. "It's like, someone is narrating my life. And yours. And Innocent Takuya-kun's. And that guy's over there." He pointed to another older brunette with wildly tall hair, trying to stuff cotton in his ears (much to the amusement of a blonde boy) and to ignore the strange voices narrating strange things that happen between him and his blonde companion.  
"Huh," said Sexy True Love Prince Kouji. "That's weird. I blame fangirls."  
Little did he know, it was VERY weird...considering they aren't even supposed to be hearing the damn narrator's voice; it makes foreshadowing very difficult. Stupid thing is broken...and he wasn't supposed to figure it out that easy! Damn Kouichi; have to throw another shoe at him.

Kouichi dodged the shoe. "It's really hard to hit me with those things when I know it's coming, you know."  
The author sighed and just allowed the story to continue.  
"...So, Innocent Taki WAS taken to the super evil icy castle in the west-east?"  
The author wondered how he decided that so quickly.  
"Well... you... said I wasn't supposed to figure it out that quickly, indicating that Kouichi's hunch was correct."  
The author was very annoyed, and yet still pleased that he was still assuming that he needed to go to the Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Castle in the west-east.  
"Why is it so convenient that there just so happens to be a super-evil-icy-wizardy-castle-thing right next to us in the west-east?" asked Kouichi of the voice, but of course, nothing happened.  
"Is there such thing as the west-east? Because that's ridiculous. You can't have something located in both the west and the east, that's geologically impossible. So it makes no sense."  
"Sure it does," Kouichi explained. "It's just like North-West or South-East, only it's the West-East. You see?"  
Kouji rubbed his temple. "Can I just go get Takuya back already? Where'd you even come from? This chapter was supposed to be focused on me going and rescuing Innocent Taki-chan."  
"Oh. Yeah. Sorry." Kouichi sulked away.  
Little did Prince Sexy know, he was heading off in the entirely wrong direction.  
"I was?"  
I mean, uh. He was...going off in the perfectly correct direction where he was _supposed_ to be going. Yeah, that's right.  
Kouji shrugged. "Whatever."

And so Sexy True Love Prince Kouji headed off to the Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Castle in the West-East, despite the fact that he was _actually_ going in the wrong direction.  
"Am I going the right way or not?" Prince True Love Kouji demanded of the voice, who was suddenly quiet.  
"You're still talking!"  
And away he went!

Guided by the awesome and mysterious powers of a fanfic that has the convenient universal ability to fast-forward time, Kouji arrived at the Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent's Castle with the moon still high in the sky. And there he stood looking extremely dedicated and heroic, gazing up, and up, and up, and up, and _up_ at the hideously grotesque tower standing before him. It...come to think about it, it wasn't that bad actually, it was just really, really tall and it hurt your neck to look at the top...and it was covered in ice, so, it was really shiny and it kinda hurt your eyes to be staring at it very long. Actually, now that I think about it, it was a very beautiful castle. But Prince Sexy True Love knew that his poor, Innocently Charming and Adorable Taki-chan was trapped inside of it, and so, he decided it was ugly just to have something to hate about it.  
Kouji pounded on the door to the giant icy castle, and though it was at least five times his size, it swung open without any assistance; which was so cliché, but also useful for Prince Sexy because he wouldn't have to struggle opening such a gigantic door on his own. I have to wonder if those huge doors just open on their own _because_ no one can move them by themselves. Seriously, who's strong enough to push something like a gazillion feet high?

Sexy True Love Prince Kouji entered the castle boldly, not caring to ask if anyone was home, or if they minded his intrusion. Obviously, such politeness was easily thrown off to the side when one's Innocent Taki is possibly at stake, huh? Not to mention, Sexy True Love Prince Kouji was far too angry to care. That stupid wizardy guy stole his Innocent Taki-chan, right from under his nose! That little twerp! Then he had the nerve to leave him a note with chatspeak in it! Oh, he was infuriated. He was totally going to kick some butt...once he could find some butt to kick. The entire castle seemed to be completely empty, and there wasn't even a hint of a possibility of a suggestion that anyone was in it, or had been for quite some time. But Kouji didn't trust the Stupid Evil Inane Wizardy Adolescent Tomo-twerp; not one bit. He continued to expect someone to pop out at him at any moment, even though he continued to roam the castle's halls unscathed.  
He came to another giant door made entirely of sparkling ice. He debated to himself whether or not this might be where he could find the Super Evil Weakling, when he realized in the ice was etched: "The Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki's Room (P.S.: KEEP OUT. THAT MEANS YOU.)" Sexy Prince Kouji was about to open the door anyway, but before he did, he rammed his fist into the ice-covered door. Kouji didn't really _have_ to hit the door, no; he just really needed to punch something, lest he start going crazy about the lack of violence needed to resolve this rescue mission. And considering he was starting to get even more so pissed off then he already was because of the lack of challenge in getting into the castle, it made logical sense for him to want to start punching things. Kinda.  
The punch sent a satisfying crack zooming up the door, including the Evil Wizard's warning of "Keep Out". Kouji put his hand on the door, and looked over his shoulder. This was too easy...nothing had stopped him at all; surely Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki must have set a trap.  
As he stormed into the Evil Wizardy Adolescent's chambers, he prepared himself to start yelling and demanding Takuya's return, but was (un) surprised to find the room was completely empty, save for an answering machine that was blinking that it's owner apparently had a message. Treading lightly into the room, Sexy True Love Prince Kouji cautiously examined the answering machine, and then hit 'play' to hear it's message. After a 'beep' and a moment of silence, The Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki's voice rang out in the empty room:

"To Prince Kouji (And/or Sexy True Love Prince Kouji.)  
This thing is on, right? Yeah, I think it is. No, hang on." There was a pause, where Sexy True Love Prince Kouji raised a brow. "Yes, it was on. Oh darnit, now my voice is on this thing and it's recording. Stupid no-recording over answering machine...Just totally ignore all that alright? You still have every reason to continue fearing me." Sexy True Love Prince Kouji sweatdropped and sighed. Well, this was shaping up to be a pathetic rescue mission indeed.  
"HELLO PRINCE KOUJI!" he laughed evilly, "I assume you so rudely broke into my castle and my quarters just to retrieve my Takuya-Onii-san, and your precious Innocent Taki?" Kouji leaned in closer to the answering machine. "Well, he not here." Fall to ground anime style.  
"But that no longer matters, because when dawn comes, I shall bring Innocent Takuya-'Nii-san here, and I shall freeze you as well! Then I'll keep you both frozen for all eternity! And you will never have a chance to spoil Takuya-nii-san's innocence, EVER!"  
"You jerk," Sexy True Love Prince Kouji sighed. "I can always just go right out of your stupid castle, get back to Takuya's, and save him there.  
"You may be thinking you can just escape from my Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Castle before I get back."  
Kouji blinked.  
"Well you can't! HAHAHAHALOLROFL to YOU."  
Kouji growled at the answering machine as it's message apparently ended; he used chatspeak VERBALLY. Was that even possible? Who actually _says _"Lol"? Would you pronounce it "Lohl" or "Lawl", or actually SAY "L-O-L?"  
He didn't have time to ponder this strangeness, for the entire castle began to rumble. The lights suddenly went and plunged Sexy True Love Prince Kouji into darkness, and while he properly panicked and ran to the icy door, it swung shut without any assistance (Damn those doors that open and close without anyone to do it for them! Who the hell decided doors could have independence?) as the ice began to spread from the door. It covered the ceiling and it began to coat the floor with an icy shining surface, reflecting the moonlight that flowed into the room from a giant glass window to the North-South. What? You've never heard of the North-South? Damnit, haven't we already been over this? It's just like North-West or South-East, only it's North-South. You see now?  
"This makes NO sense," said Prince Sexy loudly.

All of a sudden, the castle was still. Sexy True Love Kouji opened his eyes and warily peeked at the door - it nothing but was a solid block of ice. He swore and ran up to the door, first testily feeling the ice, and then violently pounding on it. He cursed again as his knuckle squarely hit the solid ice and he felt nearly shattered his hand, but luckily, this is a fanfic, so the hero is able to withstand terrible pain and possible injury lest it ruin the story.  
"This is starting to sound more and more like something out of a bad fanfic," Prince Sexy declared as he flexed his un-injured hand, and the author totally ignored the statement.  
"So, how do I get out of here?" Sexy True Love Prince Kouji asked of himself. It's totally normal to talk to yourself, dontcha know. He felt around the walls, but they were all covered in a thick coat of ice. There was no way he'd be able to break through, even if he did have magical fanfic powers. So he turned his gaze to the window. It couldn't be very thick glass, and it was only covered in a thin layer of ice because it wouldn't support a heavy thick layer. That meant all that Prince Kouji of Sex would have to do is break the window, and he could find a way down from there.  
The bad thing is that he didn't have anything to throw.  
"What kind of stupid set-up is this?" Prince Sexy demanded loudly. "I'm supposed to be rescuing Innocent Takuya! And you've stuck me in a room I can't get out of?"  
Little did he know-  
"I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT? TELL ME! I CAN HEAR YOU JUST FINE!"  
The author threw another shoe at him in order to shut him up. Kouji turned around and grabbed the shoe in mid-air, looking very smooth and very sexy in slow-motion while doing so, and smirked. Did...did he just USE the author? Oh hell no, you don't get away with USING the author like that buddy-  
"Just let me break the freakin' window already."  
Oh. Okay. So Prince Kouji threw the shoe as hard as he could at the thin layer of ice. It didn't break.  
"WTF is this?" Prince Sexy swore in chatspeak. And he gets on Tomoki's butt for it! What a hypocrite! "I can do without the excess commenting, thank you," he said rudely, and just started punching away at the window until the ice eventually broke. Then he stepped back, threw the shoe straight through the glass, and kicked away the rest of the pointy shards so that he could get his body through.  
For such an enormous tower, you'd expect the Super Evil Wizard's room to be at the VEEEEEEEERY top. But actually, his floor was about five feet off the ground.  
"Why is everything in this story so convenient?" Kouji wondered aloud. "And if everything is so convenient, why do I have to go rescue Takuya at all?"  
The author was getting pissed off that Kouji kept forcing the author to converse with him, so conveniently up came the magical white Noble Steed for Kouji to ride back to his beloved!  
"Oh, you've got to be kidding me-" Kouji mounted the horse, "I HATE horses-" and off they rode back to the castle. "I DON'T WANT TO RIDE THIS THING." Little did he know, there was a lot more of a challenge awaiting him back in Takuya's castle!

(Back in the castle)  
"What! Takuya has been kidnapped?!" The King proclaimed angrily as Kouichi shrunk to only an inch tall.  
"It's not my fault!" he squeaked out. And it wasn't! "It was all my brother's fault! He was supposed to be looking after him!" And it was! Although that's very poor sportsmanship to blame your brother for everything, Kouichi. For shame. I thought you were better than that.  
"Shut up," Kouichi yelled at the voice, and the King roared,  
"SHUT UP?"  
Kouichi shrunk to a third of an inch in height. Little cat ears sprouted and pressed against his head. "I was talking to the voice!" he quickly explained.  
Now you sound schizophrenic, Kouichi.  
"We don't need your input!" he yelled at the voice, and then shrunk again as he realized the King was still staring at him.  
"Okay, so...my son is missing and the only one who knows is hearing voices, (and so I assume he must be schizophrenic). Isn't there anybody who can help me find my son?  
And the two waited. Waited...waited...  
"Isn't there ANYBODY who can help me save my son?"  
Waited...  
Kouichi coughed. "He should be here any minute."  
The queen sobbed. "I'm never going to see my baby again!"  
Kouichi swore under his breath and looked around. Where was his brother? He was supposed to heroically pop in and proclaim something or other about how he's gonna save the princess. Or prince. Whatever.  
If only he could talk to Kouji and find out where he was! If only there was some kind of modern, technology-inspired twenty-first century method of calling to someone.  
"Oh, you mean like a cell-phone," Kouichi clarified, and the author performed a fantastic head to desk maneuver. These guys just did NOT want to cooperate.  
"Sure, I can call him." Kouichi took out his cell-phone, punched in Kouji's number, and waited. Waited, waited...  
"Nothing?" the Queen sulked, and Kouichi felt many little sweatdrops dripping down his head.  
"He must...be out of range. Or something. I can't imagine why; he's only gone to the West-East."  
And he put his phone away, dejected.  
"So in other words that was totally pointless, right?"  
The author did not respond.

(Back with Sexy Kou)

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, (or actually, it was more like a few minutes away) Kouji was traversing on his horse to get back to the castle. But in order to do so, he had to go through the Conveniently Placed Forest. Which in the middle of the night, became the Incredibly Creepy Forest. Noble Steed, which was in fact the same horse from Koujipunzle, refused to go any faster, despite the fact Kouji was pushing him to do so.  
"MovemovemovemovemoveMOVE you stupid animal!" Kouji yelled at him, and Noble Steed refused to go any faster. He may have been a horse, and he may have not been able to talk, but he was extremely intelligent, and he knew that when a situation required desperate measures and lightning speeds, he should move very slowly.  
"But that doesn't make any sense!" Kouji countered. "If the thing knows something requires haste, it should freakin' HASTE."  
Little did Kouji know, that Noble Steed DID know, that when a situation requires urgent speed and agility on behalf of the hero, something is about to happen to slow him down. Noble Steed knew this, (being a Noble Steed from other Fairy Tales and all) and he figured: Why should I run and expend energy when I'm going to be stopped in the middle of running?  
"Is that his problem?" Kouji said crossly. "Well, fine. What's about to slow me down?"  
If Sexy Prince Kouji keeps talking as though he can hear everything the narrator is saying, then foreshadowing becomes completely pointless!  
"Well, that's what I've been trying to tell you."  
Little did he know, something WAS about to slow him down.  
"Finally."

In a flash of darkness (is that an oxymoron? A 'Flash' of 'Darkness'?) and icy cold wind, suddenly before Kouji appeared the Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki! Kouji scowled and halted his horse and drew a sword that he had gotten from apparently no where, but he IS the hero in this fanfic, so he should have random swords popping out of no where. Especially when he's about to go into BATTLE! (Yes, that was more foreshadowing.)  
"Yay, I like swords."  
"Foolish Sexy True Love Prince Kouji! Did you really think you could escape and rescue Takuya-nii-san right under my nose?" Evil Wizard Tomoki laughed.  
"...Yes, actually. I AM the hero of this fanfic."  
Long-named Wizard scowled. "Well, you're too late! It's almost dawn, and soon I will take Takuya-nii-san back to my icy castle and hide him away from all the EWW forever! You don't stand a chance against a wizard!"  
"We'll see about that!" Kouji leapt off Noble Steed and braced himself to attack the wizard. He felt bad about attacking a kid, but this was an incredibly evilly icy wizard kid who had stolen his Innocent Taki! He had to defeat him at all costs!  
"You will never defeat me!" Innocent Tomoki declared evilly! "Haven't you ever played 'Runescape'? The Wizard ALWAYS wins against the Warrior!"  
"But this isn't 'Runescape'!" Kouji complained, but while he was distracted, Super Evil Wizard Boy lunged at him! But unfortunately for him, he tripped over his own robes! He went spiraling in mid air and apparently fell flat on his face, in mid air, swearing at his robes for being too long. Kouji took the opportunity to take his sword and -censor-.  
"What the hell?" Kouji growled. "My shining moment in this fanfic and it's CENSORED?"  
The author cringed. Super Evil Icy Wizard Adolescent Tomoki WAS Super Evil, but he was also just a young boy. Decapitating a young boy who's completely defenseless in mid-air would likely cause controversy. As a result, this shining heroic moment has been censored by 4kids.  
"But how else am I supposed to defeat him?" Kouji yelled at the voice.  
"You know, you can just say you defeated me. Or better yet, we can just say it was a draw and neither of us lost so I don't look bad," Super Evil Adolescent Tomoki said. Kouji jumped and turned to look at him. He was sitting criss-cross in mid-air, watching Kouji argue with the narrator.  
"You mean...that's it? I just say, 'Ohz i beet him klawlz' and move on to the next part of the story?"  
"Pretty much. That's what would be happening anyway with the censor."  
Kouji shrugged. Whatever; as long as he got to his Innocent Taki in the end!  
"Oh, but I'm still not telling you were Takuya-nii-san is," Super Evil Wizard Child of Doom clarified. Kouji fell to the ground, anime style.  
"Then what was the point of all this?" Kouji yelled, waving his sword violently in the air, apparently at the author.

(Meanwhile, roughly three minutes away.)  
Kouichi was looking for a bathroom. He really needed one. He never should have participated in the lemonade drinking contest. Granted, he had won, but TOO MUCH LEMONADE. Unfortunately, he had no idea where the bathroom was. There were so many doors and so many of them led to disappointingly empty rooms!  
"I don't need you narrating about how much I need to pee," Kouichi said crossly and flung open another door. The author shrugged. Aw well; let everyone think the guy was schizophrenic.  
Kouichi came across a locked room. It was dark inside, but it was the only one he hadn't tried yet. Perhaps a bathroom was inside! That would be really good. He tried to open it in everyway he could think of, but it was impossible to open. Suddenly, he leapt up and did a fantastic karate jump kick into the door. It didn't work. He ended up bouncing on his foot and whining mercilessly about bathrooms. But the jump-kick was still really cool, Kouichi!  
"Shut up."

(Meanwhile, almost out of time.)

Kouji burst into the castle. He ran up to the King and Queen and demanded to know where Kouichi was, and whether they had seen the evil wizard.  
"Kouichi is upstairs somewhere," the King told him, "And most unfortunately, it seems that Takuya has been taken by the evil wizard while in your care."  
"We're very disappointed, Sexy True Love Prince Kouji," the Queen said."  
"In other words, we hate you," Shinya said.  
Fresh Prince of Sexair growled. "It wasn't my fault! The stupid wizard and the stupid narrator, and the really poorly constructed plot... I'm just being forced to roll along with it!"  
And he ran upstairs to find his brother. They had to ban together and fight the evil wizard once and for all! But first, he had to find his brother.  
There were so many doors! So many halls and so many doors! He went in one and came out another and went in one and came out of the one before the one he went in; it was like something from Scooby Doo! Only this wasn't fun or interesting!  
"Scooby Doo is a show invented for stupid people who are easily amused by stupid things," Sexy Kouji said, and he tried another door, leaving the author steaming. She happened to be a long-time fan of Scooby Doo, thank you!  
He emerged in another hall-way, and finally saw Kouichi down the hall. He yelled to him, and Kouichi jumped up happily.  
"Oh, Ototou-chan! I'm so glad you're here! Please help me break down this door! I think there's a bathroom inside and I really gotta go. ;.;"  
"This is no time for bladder control problems, Kouichi! We've got to rescue Takuya before it's too late!" Kouji hastened to explain, but Kouichi whined.  
"Please Kouichi? I really need to go! If this isn't a bathroom, we can move on and go look for Innocent and Charmingly Naughty Takuya!"  
Kouji angrily growled, and then he proceeded to perform a CORRECT karate style jump-kick. The correct way to perform such a move is to jump up rapidly, hold yourself in mid-air for at least three seconds as the camera changes angles, then in very slow motion, twist and turn your body around 160 degrees, and then resume high-speed when your foot finally connects with the door.  
Kouichi could never get that part right. But his jump-kicks are still adorable!  
"Shut UP. You're more annoying than NAVI."  
Anyway, Kouji broke through the door. What they saw inside was clearly not a bathroom, and Kouichi groaned, but what Kouji saw inside the room made him cheer inside.

Little had Kouichi known, he had stumbled upon the very room in which Takuya was being held hostage!  
"What a convenient and gracefully simple solution to this ridiculous story!" Kouichi commented, and was promptly hit in the head with another shoe.  
Anyway, Kouichi was the hero today! Unfortunately for us, instead of waiting for everyone to cheer at his heroism, he ran off to find a bathroom. Now Kouichi is gone. Poo.  
Prince Sexy-Back Kouji slowly moved to the edge of the bed where Takuya was lying silently amidst all this ruckus and karate kicks to his door. He looked so peaceful and so Innocently Taki-ish...and yet like a giant block of ice.  
Little did Kouji know-  
"Oh come on, what DON'T I know by now?" Prince Sexy Kou2 yelled at the voice.  
-That the Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki was about to intrude upon the possible shounen-ai!  
...Yes. He intrudes now!  
"Oh, for the love of-"  
"Sexy True Love Prince Kouji!" The Icy Wizard Kid-thing announced, "You are too late! It is dawn, and I have come to take away Takuya-nii-san to my castle!"  
"Question," Kouji asked as he raised his hand. "Why did you wait until dawn when you could've just taken him to your castle in the first place?"  
"BEQUIETFOOL." FLASH, an ice spear landed between Kouji's feet. "I had...other...stuff...to do."  
"What other stuff?" Kouji eyed Tomoki suspiciously.  
"It doesn't matter! Now I am taking away Takuya-nii-chan! He will never be molested by random lemon authors, and he will never lose his innocence!"  
"Are you suggesting I'm a rapist?" Prince Kouji said crossly, and Tomoki fell to the mid-air ground, anime style, and then reappeared with bulging anger veins.  
"No, it's not you! Or it is you, but it's not JUST you. It's that HELLBOUND AUTHOR WHO KEEPS DESCRIBING EMBARASSING MOMENTS IN DETAIL."  
"Ahh, much better," Kouichi said cheerfully as he reentered the room. "Now where were we?"

Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki looked up, Sexy True Love Prince Kouji looked behind him, and Innocently Hot and Charmingly Naughty Takuya did nothing, for he was a frozen block of ice. Tomoki started to run away.  
"...Tomo-chan?" Kouichi said incredulously, and Kouji spun around again in super-fast ninja motion, and grabbed Super Long Name's robes before he could run away.  
"HOLD IT," Kouji demanded. "What's this about TOMO-CHAN?"  
Wizard Tomoki continued trying to escape, but Kouji hit the back of his head. Then he turned around, very slowly, very dramatically, and gave Kouichi the Super Evil Kouji Glare of Death, which is very scary. Poor Kouichi wished he were still in the bathroom, for various reasons.  
"What's this about Tomo-chan?" he asked again, very slowly.  
Kouichi rubbed the back of his head. "Oh...well, he was kind of my date for the ball. I didn't realize he was the same wizard who froze Taku-chan."  
Kouji was quiet for a moment, then let loose an ear-bleeding loud "WHAT?" that echoed down into the ballroom, where the hardcore partiers were still at play. Yes, some people in this kingdom literally do party until dawn.  
Kouichi played at his ear to make sure he wasn't deaf, then, "Well, yeah. But some people think he's kinda young for me, so I didn't say anything about it."  
"It's true, Prince Kouji-san," Tomoki squeaked, still trying to pull himself away as Kouji held him by his robes in mid air. He looked very strange indeed; Kouji holding him back at eye-level while he appeared to be crawling away. "But if I'd realized Kouichi was your brother, I'd have never tried to kill you!"  
"WE'RE BLOODY TWINS!" Kouji roared, switching into English slang for the sake of 4Kids censorship. "HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL?"  
"Ototou-chaaan, you're gonna make me go deaf," Kouichi whined as he stuck a finger in his ear. "And you're going to give Tomo-chan a heart attack."  
Disgusted, Kouji threw Super Evil Icy Wizardy Tomo-chan away from him, and then pointed at the door. "GET OUT."  
Windy-named Wizard looked dejected. "But, Takuya-nii-san..."  
"OUT. OUTOUTOUTOUTOUT." Kouji pushed his brother and the Confused Icy Wizard out of the door, and slammed it shut. Keep in mind, this is a fanfic, so even though Kouji broke down the door with his Kouji Karate Kick of Karma, (Alliteration rules) the door was magically fixed in order for this next part of the story to take place.  
"YOU GET OUT TOO!" Kouji roared as he pulled back the curtains, presumably grabbed the author, (who was blocked by a magic censor bar) and flung them out the door, which was opened prior to this part of the story so that it could occur.  
The author is now going on real eye-witnesses to complete this section of the story. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.  
Well...that...and the author had hidden cameras installed everywhere, so...  
Sexy Prince o' Death sighed. This was overall very disappointing.

Kouji stood over the Innocently Hot and Charming Takuya at his bedside. The legend said that only someone who was truly hot could awake the Sleeping Baka; he just hoped he was truly hot enough. Well, sure, he was a jerk, but he was also modest. Sort of.  
He reached down and pressed his lips against the frozen lips of the Innocent Frozen and Block o' Ice Takuya. At once, the body below him started to feel warmer. Sexy True Love (And apparently Truly Hot) Prince Kouji held the melting brunet's head as the ice began to ebb away, and he kissed him fully. He kissed him for a long time until eventually Takuya poked at his head, whereupon Kouji abruptly stopped. "I'm not frozen anymore, Kouji."  
Sexy Prince Kouji only stopped to wonder who says 'whereupon' anymore, then jumped on top of Takuya and started kissing him again.

Meanwhile, thousands of seconds away-

"Well, I'm glad it all worked out Kouji," Kouichi said cheerfully. "You got the girl-"  
"Hey," Takuya interrupted, sounding offended.  
"I got the other one-"  
"Pardon?" Super Evil Icy Wizard Tomo-chan said in the middle of munching on a cookie.  
"Takuya is back in his home kingdom-"  
"Why can't he come live in our Kingdom?" whined Prince Sexism.  
"And everything ended happily ever after. And best of all, I'm not getting any more shoes thrown at me," Kouichi finished happily. "I guess this really is a happy ending, huh?"  
They all agreed until a few moments later when Takuya eventually spoke up: "What about Boko-san and Nee-san?"  
Super Wizard Boy choked on his cookie and jumped up. "OH CRAP!" and he ran out the door. Kouichi followed soon after. Kouji shrugged and unwilling to leave his Sexy Prince of True Hot Love, Takuya stayed put with him.  
"Well, I guess in the end, it was a rather unsatisfying story," Takuya surmised.  
"Oh, I don't know about COMPLETELY unsatisfying. I get to make out with you every day now," Kouji pointed out with a Sexy True Love Smirk.  
"Ah. Well, yeah, that's true," Takuya sighed happily as he snuggled into his Prince.  
"Yeah."  
"Indeed."  
"Uh huh."  
"Right."  
"...Wanna make out now?"  
"YES."

And they made out happily ever after until for some reason, several boxes of pocky fell from the sky and landed on their heads, utterly confusing them. Pocky doesn't just FALL from the sky randomly. It was WEIRD.  
None the less, they continued making out, determined to end the story on a fluffy note instead of just a weird note.

And little did they know, it worked.

The end.


End file.
